i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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