Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize