In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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