i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize