I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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