I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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