I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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