we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
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We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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