He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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