Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize