i wish my penis had a tongue
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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