You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
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Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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