When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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