Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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