guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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