I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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