Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
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did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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