there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize