the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize