I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize