I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you had me at cake vodka
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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