Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Of course I have a pirate flag
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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