He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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