We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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