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he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
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