If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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