Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize