I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize