Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
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Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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