You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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