first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Girls should come with a carfax report
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize