I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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