My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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