Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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