They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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