oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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