He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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