the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she told me i tasted like america
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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