And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
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Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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