Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize