dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
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I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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