I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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