That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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