my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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