He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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