Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Barsexuality is the new black.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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