In the future we'll all be gay
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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