I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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