clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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