I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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