apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize